I think I talk about love more than I talk about any kind of philosophical thought. It's always been in my head from when I was a sensitive kid to understanding how others feel and also realizing that love is a social interaction. Being someone who has loved in many different ways, I've begun to understand how it actually works for me but also how it works in a communal standing, especially as a cross-cultural body. I want to explain in this how the "I don't owe you anything" phrase actively hurts the way love interacts in a social standing especially in a post-capitalist society but also how we need to view love as a utility that requires us to give people what they need rather that what feels good for them. This also isn't meant to say that giving up when necessary is the problem, like no leave your partner if they are horrible, but when things get hard we shouldn't just give up.
Falling in love is a very rare and abstract feeling that comes with a risk. Having a love that actually works to where it's concurrent is even more rare and has this incredibly amazing but horrifying feeling attached to it. For the past few weeks, I have been in a very great and growing relationship that has been helping me understand what love should look like and means which comes into the realization of why most younger relationships look incredibly bleak now.
Love isn't really about actual work anymore, it's just about quick gratification. In a post-capitalist and post-colonial society, we worked ourselves so hard and created such a strategic accompaniment to relationships that if they cannot be commodified and used to give you something, then it is not valuable. It comes with colonization and reinventing how social relationships work especially since in the space of how we analyze relationships, there are no more traditional values. We don't see polygamy working in the way of helping one another in a community but rather regard the competitiveness between women for a man's value. We don't see prior relationships as a way to actively learn how to love and be part of the youth we understand, but instead as a threat. It does again tie to the new patriarchy that has been tied to western feminism but also it goes back into entitlement. We have created a more selfish understanding of love in the sentiment of how it can serve us rather than it serve others and when we do that, we have fulfilled the colonial project. We only value other opinions when they serve the higher powers and to suffice ourselves because in the reality of it all, there is no other option but to have an all for one and nothing for all kind of love. According to this way of love, if the dominate party of the relationship cannot be served, then therefore it is invaluable.
I say these things in retrospect to the "I don't owe you anything" mentality, due to the fact that we have used this as a way to shield ourselves from the reality of sacrifice that comes with love. We separate the way that love should work for others and instead when it gives us a slight inconvenience, makes us tired, or even makes us feel the slightest amount of annoyance, one would mention that the love I am meant to give you isn't yours anymore because I am giving this to you and now I can take it away. It falls back into the selfish attitude that capitalism has brought on to others but also how as individuals we see emotions as transactional. It gives into the idea once again that as you grow close to others, you need to live a fantastical life because it is the only outsource to give to others. Through this, love apparently can only survive if simple and when it isn't, the resolution to this is to leave and try again. It reflects back to how factory parts can just break down and we should be able to replace them when in fact, human beings are NOT machines.
In retaliation to this, I think of love through the lens of being part of the diaspora. Imagine you have lost every single thing, ashes to rubble, having to restart your whole life, and you are still capable to love. The fight that comes with love and even if you feel guilty, there is still a beauty to be held with the vulnerability of your trauma and pain that forces you to give back. In the manner of being Palestinian, I have learned that our whole lives are only in regards to what you can bring to others as a sign of kindness not just as a sign of survival. The type of sacrificial love that is to be given not because you see yourself as a means for this person but rather that the love needed to keep others alive is a blessing to give to one another. Also desensitizing intimacy does nothing for anyone. I think the reality is that we've used trauma as an excuse to not love and when I say that I mean on all levels, on the scale of deep friendship or a romantic partnership. We exclude the need to extend our hearts to one another and end up leaving when it starts to get scary and I feel as though there is no true need to do that. I would not have cared so deeply if it weren't for the depth of my love from my mom and dad as well as as my friends and the reality of creating companionship that doesn't just ask for the easy things but also for the harder things.
Lately my new experiences have been so rewarding and I cannot ask for more which gives me a chance to grow a fondness for the connections I seek out. It also makes me want to hold people more and more accountable now that I also have finally been understanding what a healthy care for others looks like and what boundaries look like.
No comments:
Post a Comment